I've been lucky enough to have parents that will basically support my decision and choices no matter what (except for getting a tattoo. lame) but when i told them i wanted to do an exchange for 3 months to germany in my sophomore year of high school, they happily let me go. when i said i wanted to go back to germany and study for my senior year they helped make it happen. when i said i wanted to be a singer they helped me find the perfect schools for me. they have always been supportive of my adventures i wanted to take, whether those adventures involved them or not. don't get me wrong. just because i say i have amazing parents doesn't mean we don't fight and disagree and get on each other's nerves. that's a 24/7 battle if you ask me. but that's not the point, is it?
So in a sense, i guess i've been "flying the nest" and coming back for a few years now. testing my wings, so to speak. but now, in a manner of short months, i'll be going out alone and this is the beginning of the rest of my flight alone. i mean, they'll always be there if i need them, but i really have to figure out how to live and be on my own. no help (other than, you know, tuition and rent and all that financial goodness)
Honestly though, that's all you get, as a parent. 18 short years to give your kid everything you think they need to get by in the world. 18 years to teach them right from wrong, to help them grow, to raise them. 18 years, then they're gone. not forever, just gone to start their own life. maybe to create their own person to teach for 18 years. but really, you have very little time to instill this great wisdom that you, as parents, are supposed to have. half of the time, teaching without even knowing it.
i guess what i'm trying to say is thank you. thank you to every good, wonderful, amazing parent that has raised their child to the best of their ability. i think the hardest thing is knowing when to stop teaching and helping and let us make our own mistakes. i mean, you'll always be there if we really need you, but when to pull back and let us be.
so thank you. thank you for all the hard work, energy, love, everything you've given.
i love you.
My dearest Katy,
ReplyDeleteOK. So here's the deal. You can't complain about how I cry all the time at (positive) emotional stuff, if you're responsible for all that stuff. You hate it when I cry when you sing, so if you're next to me in the choir and your voice is particularly soaring and lovely that morning, I have to lie and tell you something ELSE made me cry.
And now, I read this while I'm at work and again you make me cry. This time with pride, mingled with a small sense of loss. Your dad and I have worked to raise a child to adulthood, mindful of the need to be grateful for things that happen in this life, to look for the good in people, and to look for the positive lessons in the mishaps of life.
But, as a parent, I never know whether it will "work" -- whether the lessons we're trying to instill are sinking in. Maybe it helps that so many of the important lessons you need to learn, of how to deal with disappointment and loss, are made easier by the economic hardships we've had as a family for the last eight years. Maybe that's why we've had to "walk through the valley of the shadow of death."
I do know that, though we have our disagreements (get those dirty dishes OUT of your room!), we also share a very close relationship.
Moms of some small children you babysit for have asked me how I've done it, so they can continue to be close to their children as they grow. My answer always is "We haven't done it -- at least not all of it."
There's that trite saying "The two most important things you give to a child are roots and wings." But sometimes trite sayings are true. My other mantra is "No means no. But try to say 'Yes' whenever you can."
So here's to "Yes", and here's to our fledgling bird. The nest will be here for you to return to, but you won't be our little fluffy baby-birdy any more. You're growing your true flight feathers, and now we'll watch you soar.
Love,
Mom
P.S. - What's that "small sense of loss" I referred to? It's this: Your self-realization of all this is the first true glimmer of your adult Ego. Not the "I'm better than you are" little 'e' ego that the world knows about, but the "Ich" in German. "I", that ability to stand alone and watch your actions. That ability to ACT your own actions. That "I" of yours is still small. It started into gestation when you were 14, and won't come to fully-conscious "birth" until you're 28.
But I can say "I was there at its beginning," just as I've been there at so many other beginnings in your life. And each one of those has been a little hurt, because it means you're growing away from me. But really, you're growing so you can stand on your own, beside the adults in your life.
Again, you can't complain about the tears, when you cause them!
Love again,
Mom